At an advanced stage, some cancers are diagnosed as incurable and unfortunately in many cases death is imminent. Treatment then switches from cure to care, but it may be weeks or months before death occurs and debilitation may be gradual or rapid. Patients facing these experiences need many kinds of care and support, including small gestures and personal attention that medical personnel may not be able to provide. Don’t ever underestimate how much your presence and help means to a terminally ill person. Regardless of whether that person is your spouse, your neighbor, or someone you barely know.
Support Groups for Terminally Ill Patients
Help your loved one locate a support group nearby. As with most support groups, it should be comprised of other patients who find themselves in similar circumstances. A support group may help him cope better with his illness, which will truly improve the quality of life for the time that remains. The American Cancer Society has thousands of cancer support groups.
Listen and Talk... But Mostly Listen
Your loved one will probably want to discuss things that make you uncomfortable, such as pertinent details about wills, funeral arrangements or general concerns and feelings about dying. Don't stifle the conversation because you don't know how long he or she has left; getting those details ironed out is not only necessary, but may make him feel better once he knows they've been discussed. On the flip side, bring up stories about how the two of you met, where he went to school or past entertaining anecdotes. Reflect on a life well lived.
Be There
Even though you may be frustrated by feeling as though your help is inconsequential or that your contribution is negligible, just being close by is important. Even if your loved one is sleeping much of the time, he will gain strength and comfort in knowing that he is not alone. Physical contact is important since most adults, not unlike infants, are comforted and inherently feel love through human touch. Rub his feet, comb his hair, and massage his arms. Take care to ask if your touch is physically helping or hurting. You may have to adjust your level of intensity.
Hospice Care
Consider hospice care, which is for patients nearing the end of life. In a hospice, medical care is provided by a team that is educated in offering comfort, reducing pain and helping with both physical and spiritual needs. The purpose of hospice care is to make your loved one as comfortable as possible and provide the highest quality of life for the time they have left. In most cases, hospice care takes place at home, but going to the hospital may become necessary. The National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization (NHPCO) can provide information.
Sources
National Cancer Institute: End-of-Life Care (accessed January 25, 2011)
Mayo Clinic/ End of Life: Terminal Illness: Supporting a Terminally Ill Loved One (accessed January, 2011)
National Hospice and Palliative Care Organization: Advancing Care at The End of Life (accessed January 25, 2011)
Nancy Morrish - Nancy Morrish has been writing since 2005. She began her freelance career in 2010 after moving to the Hudson Valley with her husband and ...
